Two by Two
by Bluebeard's Wife
Summary: Running away from the ULA, Simon and Kieren somehow end up at Chez Chez. Cross-posting to AO3 as well.


"Ungrateful little bastards..." Brendan muttered under his breath as he threw his phone onto the desk.

"Who now?" Ste had just walked into his small office.

"Food poisoning!" Brendan shouted, dropping down into his chair with a sigh.

"Okay..." Ste raised his eyebrows and set a small brown bag on Brendan's desk. "I brought you lunch. Sounds like you could use it."

"Three of my employees called in sick with food poisoning. Three!" Brendan said in a quieter voice, though still sounding panicked. He suspected that it wasn't food poisoning so much as a hangover, as he had thrown them a small celebration the night before to make up for making them work on actual New Year's Eve, and a few of them had continued the festivities long after he had sent them home.

Ste just stood there, feeling helpless – and a little annoyed.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" he finally burst out. "Are you working tonight? On New Year's Eve?"

"I..." Brendan looked around, exasperated. "It's not like I have a choice, Steven."

Ste took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. After a moment, he said,

"If you're three people short, you can use my help, yeah? D'you want me to look after the bar?"

Ste smiled at the surprised look that Brendan gave him before he continued,

"If you have to work tonight, at least we'll be together, and maybe I can steal a New Year's kiss."

"Okay. Thank you, Steven." Brendan rose from his chair and slowly walked around his desk to Ste. "I'm sure I can find some way to repay you." Smirking, he brushed the hair off Ste's forehead lightly with his fingertips.

* * *

"Kieren, it's almost midnight... Maybe we should head back?" Simon spoke tentatively.

He and Kieren had been walking through the forest for almost an hour. And while he didn't feel cold or tired, Simon was worried about where they might end up.

"And go where?" Kieren let out an exasperated, hollow chuckle. "All this is your fault, you know. You told the Undead Prophet you would kill me. You _tried_ to kill me." He stopped and turned to face Simon, who stepped back like a scared child and looked down at his feet.

"Why should I even trust that you're not taking me to him now?" Kieren continued. That was a good question, thought Simon. He lifted his eyes to meet Kieren's.

"If you don't want me with you, I'll leave." He said simply. "But I'd like to protect you, if I may."

"No, I just..." Kieren's voice trailed off. An eruption of cheers and odd bangs from a distance made both men jump.

"It must be midnight."

"And a happy new year to us," Kieren whispered. He was angry with Simon and generally unsure about his trustworthiness, but he couldn't help hoping at that moment that his companion would lean over and kiss him. Pathetic, he thought, as he shook off the idea and headed toward the source of the noise. Simon could follow or not. It was his choice.

It seemed as though the further they went into the forest, the denser the fog became. Simon had started lightly touching Kieren's elbow as they walked, in an attempt not to lose sight of him. There was something unnerving about the white mist that covered everything. It felt almost unreal.

They had walked for two more hours before coming across a small, sleepy town. It seemed odd to both that the noise they had heard was so far away, but Kieren explained it away by suggesting that they probably took a roundabout way. Privately, Simon thought that the whole situation felt surreal and half expected something horrible to happen at any moment.

It seemed that the middle of the night on New Year's Eve was not the best time for entering a new town. Simon and Kieren passed several gaggles of drunk people on the street, some of whom laughed while others seemed horrified, but all of which pointedly stared at them as they passed.

"You'd think they'd never seen an Undead person." Simon mumbled, continuing to stare down every passerby.

"We're drawing attention to ourselves," said Kieren. "We should apply our cover up mousse before we keep going. Come on."

He tugged at Simon's sleeve before ducking into the nearest alleyway. There was still music coming from the building they stood behind, and bright lettering on the wall alerted them that it was a nightclub.

"Maybe they'll let us use their restroom." Kieren said before running up the steps to the club's entrance. Simon grabbed his shoulder before the younger man had reached the door.

"Let me go in first." He said, reaching for the door handle.

* * *

It had been a while since Ste had manned a bar, but it all came back to him easily that night. The club got slammed and, while it made for a very busy shift, it also made the time go by faster. Midnight had passed before Ste even realized it, and the crowd slowly thinned out until it was just him and Brendan. Still wired from his shift, Ste left the music on as he cleaned up the bar and Brendan counted the cash in the office.

Katy Perry's voice came out of the speakers, and Ste found himself swaying to the rhythm of the music. _This was never the way I planned, not my intention. I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion. _Ste returned the clean glasses in their spot one by one to the rhythm of the song. A slamming of the door behind him let him know how Brendan felt about the music. _It's not what I'm used to, just wanna try you on. I'm curious for you caught my attention._ Ste started mouthing the words to the song_. I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick_. He grabbed a beer bottle from the counter next to him and, putting it close to his mouth like a microphone, sang along loudly: "_I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it!_" Swaying his hips to the beat, he continued, "_It felt so wrong. It_..." _felt so right._ He stopped mid-sentence, mouth agape, as he turned around to face the front of the bar. To his left, Brendan was leaning against the frame of the office door, observing him with a small smirk on his face. To his right, almost at the top of the stairs, two very pale men with strange eyes gaped directly at him.

* * *

Brendan and Ste sat on the couch across from the two newcomers. Brendan was all for kicking them out, but something about the taller man with dark hair had made Ste offer them a seat and a drink instead.

"So you're... zombies?" Ste said tentatively.

"PDS sufferers."

"The Undead."

The two men spoke at the same time and exchanged a fraught look.

"This is ridiculous," Brendan laughed.

"When I shook their hands, they were proper cold, though" Ste mumbled. "And that don't look like makeup to me."

"How do you think they do it in scary movies?" Brendan argued. "Of course it's makeup. And it's cold outside, innit? Of course their hands are gonna be cold."

"You are aware that we can hear you?" the darker haired man said with raised eyebrows while his lanky companion smirked.

"How could you not know about the rising?" Kieren asked.

"It wasn't on the news or nothing." Ste replied.

A brief silence filled the room, with all four men contemplating the weirdness of the situation.

"Well, in any case, we were just looking for a place to put on our cover up and take our Neurotryptiline." Kieren said, pleading in his voice. He knew they were on thin ice with these strangers, and while the smaller man seemed open to helping them, the handsome dark haired one with the weird moustache reminded him unpleasantly of Gary.

"Neuro-what?" Ste asked, forgetting to close his mouth after speaking.

"It's a compound that stimulates the reproduction of brain cells and allows us to have normal cognitive functioning." Simon spoke evenly, keeping his eyes on Brendan the whole time.

"Oh." Ste pretended to understand while Brendan continued to glare in Simon's direction. Simon returned his gaze steadily with a small smile.

"Well, the loo is right down here. I'll show you." Ste rose and led Kieren to the bathroom.

* * *

Ste and Kieren entered the bathroom, and Ste looked curiously into the mirror.

"Your reflection," he said. "You have one."

"We're not vampires," Kieren laughed.

"Right," Ste blushed. "'Course not. It's just... it's all a bit weird, isn't it?"

Kieren pulled out a small jar of cover up mousse from his backpack and started applying it to his face with a sponge as Ste looked on awkwardly. Their eyes met for a moment, and Kieren smiled at Ste's fascination.

"Sorry," Ste muttered. "I don't mean to be rude or nothing."

"It's alright." Kieren responded. At this point he really didn't mind the kind of benevolent gawking he was receiving and worried instead about leaving Simon alone with that Brendan bloke.

Ste glanced at the door and then back at Kieren.

"They look a lot alike, don't they?" he finally spoke what was on his mind.

"Who?" Kieren asked absentmindedly, smoothing the mousse on his face before suddenly realizing what had been so eerie about the moustached man. "Jesus, you're right!" He turned to face Ste.

"They look _exactly_ alike." He glanced at the mirror and then at Ste to make sure that they weren't dopplegangers as well.

"Well, not _exactly_..." Ste said, thinking privately that his Brendan was better looking, though Simon looked rather handsome for a zombie as well.

* * *

Brendan and Simon sat in silence for a while, Brendan occupying as much space on the couch as he possibly could, fingers resting nervously on his knees.

"Aren't you gonna put on makeup, too?" Brendan asked, finally.

Simon looked at him calmly. "I'm not ashamed of who I am."

"Well you look fucking weird." Brendan bared his teeth a little.

"Says the bloke with the ridiculous moustache," Simon replied promptly.

Brendan stood up suddenly. "You wanna go, huh?"

After having to work on New Year's Eve, this kind of insolence was the last thing he needed. He had planned on spending the evening drinking Irish whisky with Steven. The kids were with Amy, and they had the apartment to themselves. It was supposed to have been a fun night. And instead, they got this.

Simon rose slowly, clearly unafraid of Brendan. They sized each other up, both noting that they were similar in stature.

"What's this then?" Ste's voice broke the tension. "You're not fighting, are you?" He walked over to the two men and placed his hand on Brendan's chest.

"Simon!" Kieren went over to his companion and grabbed Simon's arm.

Brendan laughed suddenly. "I'm just joking." He said, still laughing.

"You got a real tough guy here." He said to Kieren. "Tell me, who wears the pants in your relationship?"

"Brendan!" Ste pushed him away from their two guests.

"We should go." Simon said.

"Do you mind if we just take our medication first?" asked Kieren.

"Yeah, stay as long as you'd like." Ste said, glaring at Brendan.

"It'll just be a moment." Kieren said, fumbling with a small box in his backpack. He turned to Simon, who turned his back to him, without breaking eye contact with Brendan.

Ste stared as Kieren pulled out a small bottle-like device, inserted it into a rather large hole in Simon's neck, and squeezed the trigger, emptying the green fluid into Simon's spine. Simon flinched momentarily, but quickly composed himself and turned around to administer the medicine to Kieren.

Brendan noted that, with his makeup and contacts on, the younger lad was quite attractive. In fact, he was just his type. This whole zombie nonsense still didn't seem believable, but there was no denying that something weird was going on.

"Look," he said to the two men. "We got off on the wrong foot. Why don't I make things right by offering you a drink. I have some good stuff hidden away for a special occasion."

He walked behind the bar and pulled out a bottle and four glasses.

"Erm... thank you, but we don't... we can't drink." Kieren said.

"We already told you that." Simon followed.

"Oh! Oh, right, _zombies_." Brendan said, and Simon made a small move towards him, which he pretended not to notice.

Brendan poured whisky into two glasses and handed one to Ste.

"Well, you don't mind if we have a couple, do you?" he said, gesturing towards the couches. Ste immediately downed his whisky. He knew better than to trust overly friendly Brendan. Unfortunately, this led Brendan to immediately refilling his glass.

Kieren and Simon exchanged a look. Neither of them felt entirely comfortable or welcome here, but they had been walking for hours and had no idea where they were going. They sat down quietly and another uncomfortable silence filled the room.


End file.
